Embracing the Journey: Overcoming My Swimsuit Anxiety
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Chapter 1: The Start of My Swimsuit Struggles
My fear of wearing swimsuits began during my middle school years, a time rife with body image issues and anxiety.
As a child, I eagerly anticipated jumping into the water, donning my bright pink two-piece, and running joyfully into the ocean, regardless of the temperature. However, everything changed when I reached puberty. The negative comments about my body from family members began to take a toll on my self-esteem, leading me to avoid any situation that required wearing a swimsuit.
During 8th grade P.E., when swimming was on the curriculum, I would hastily change into the unattractive, school-mandated black one-piece suit. My strategy was simple: get into the pool as quickly as possible to avoid drawing attention to my body. I believed that if I was fast enough, no one would notice my insecurities.
In that suit, no one felt confident, not even the popular girls. The heavy fabric accentuated every flaw, making it impossible to feel good about oneself. The suit highlighted everything we were self-conscious about, from our developing bodies to our imperfect figures. Looking in the mirror, I saw only an unruly body that should be concealed under dark, shapeless clothing.
After enduring Swimming 101, I vowed never to face the humiliation of public swimming again, even though I was my own worst critic. My social world shrank as my fear of being judged for my body grew.
Throughout middle and high school, as well as college, I turned down every invitation to pool parties and beach trips. Water-related activities became something I wanted to avoid at all costs. Even after relocating to Los Angeles in my twenties, I stayed away from the beach, fearful of being judged for not fitting into the ideal body image.
When my boyfriend won a free trip to Hawaii, I initially refused to go. The thought of spending time in a tropical paradise surrounded by people in revealing swimsuits was overwhelming. However, he insisted, and I realized it was time to confront my fears.
To prepare for the trip, I purchased an aqua-blue swim dress, which offered more coverage than a one-piece. Despite feeling exposed in it, I knew I couldn't visit Hawaii without experiencing the beach. So, for the first time as an adult, I took a deep breath and stepped out in public wearing a swimsuit.
Surprisingly, the world didn't end. I wasn’t ridiculed on the shores of Waikiki. I wore a sheer cover-up until I reached the water, where I removed it and dove into the Pacific Ocean. At that moment, I learned that if I couldn’t be seen, I couldn’t be shamed. The warm, tropical waters soothed my spirit, and I felt a sense of belonging that I had long missed.
Hawaii taught me something essential: while there are indeed stunning people in minimal swimsuits, there are also individuals of all shapes and sizes.
The next step in my journey was unexpected — I wore a swimsuit on stage.
Section 1.1: Performing to Overcome Fear
Having performed in sketch comedy and improv for years, I used my talents to tackle my fears. My character, Trina, was a hilarious solo synchronized swimmer, and during my routine, I walked on stage in a bathrobe, letting loose with some choice words before dramatically dropping the robe and executing warm-ups in my swimsuit.
In that moment, I wasn't just wearing a swimsuit; I was moving freely and confidently in one. The audience loved it, and I felt liberated.
Subsection 1.1.1: The Journey Continues
Despite this progress, I still struggled with total acceptance. After injuring my knees while jogging as a teenager, they had become weaker with age, making certain activities painful. I needed to prioritize low-impact exercises, and water workouts were ideal for my joints.
A friend had sent me a few swimsuits a year earlier, and to my surprise, they fit perfectly. I selected a two-piece suit with boy shorts and a geometric top. I couldn’t believe I felt good in it; I felt cute and sporty for the first time.
As I walked confidently from the locker room to the pool, I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. Once I entered the water, I knew I had found my place. I excelled in water aerobics, demonstrating my strength and agility with moves like cross country and rocking horse.
In the water, my body could perform athletic feats that seemed impossible on land. Now, when I wear a swimsuit, I feel empowered. My arms and legs serve me well in the pool, demonstrating my capabilities rather than my insecurities.
Unfortunately, since the pandemic, my gym has reduced its water exercise classes, forcing me to search for a new facility.
Chapter 2: A New Chapter of Acceptance
I’m excited to announce that I’m heading back to Hawaii in September, eager to show off the three new swimsuits I recently bought. I plan to hit the beach every day, embracing my body as it is. If anyone has an issue with it, that’s on them.
My body is now always ready for the swimsuit season. Thank you for joining me on this journey.
Tips for confidently wearing a bathing suit in public.
A humorous take on swimwear mishaps and body positivity.