Chapter 1: The Struggle Within

Recently, I've become more attuned to the extremes and internal conflicts that we all face. Over time, I've realized that the only behavior I can truly influence is my own.

A wise Cherokee elder once shared a life lesson with his grandson: “Inside me, there is a fierce battle between two wolves. One embodies all that is negative — anger, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, bitterness, feelings of inferiority, deceit, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other represents all that is good — joy, peace, love, hope, calmness, humility, kindness, compassion, empathy, generosity, truth, and faith. This same struggle exists within you and everyone else as well.”

After a moment of contemplation, the grandson asked, “Which wolf will prevail?” The elder simply replied, “The one you choose to feed.” — Urbanbalance.com

Reflecting on this tale, I must admit that I have often leaned towards nurturing the darker wolf within me. I've discovered that I could sometimes gain acceptance from others by putting myself down, gaining access to spaces that felt otherwise closed to me through self-deprecation while projecting my positive traits onto others. In this way, I made others feel better at my own expense. For a time, this seemed to serve me well, helping me to slightly ascend the corporate ladder. Yet, eventually, my body and mind demanded I take heed, urging me to confront reality and find healthier ways to care for myself.

Survival is a concept that resonates deeply with me. I recognize that my past actions stemmed from a desire to navigate a world that often feels unjust and indifferent to individual struggles. Each of us must strive daily to carve out our place on this remarkable planet. While some are born into privilege with safety nets, others are granted the opportunity to cultivate virtues such as faithfulness, perseverance, and integrity.

In moments of disarray, I find it helpful to return to my core values. Living authentically brings fulfillment and allows me to accept myself more fully. The tendency to adopt a victim mentality and retaliate in my relationships as a way to reclaim my power creates chaos and is ultimately unproductive. There is a more constructive path to follow.

One day, my counselor suggested, “Perhaps it can work.” That small spark within me ignited a flame of hope, prompting me to think, “Yes, perhaps it can work.” This glimmer of possibility reminded me of my many positive traits. It's essential to hold onto them, regardless of the situation. I possess the strength to dismiss others' perceptions of me. In times of feeling threatened or isolated, I can always reconnect with the benevolent wolf within, allowing myself to embrace love.

Even the mere thought of love can serve as a stabilizing force for me, soothing my nervous system and helping me regain my center.

Could it be the same for you?

Ultimately, regardless of the messages the world may convey, love triumphs above all.