Chapter 1: The Weight of Expectations

We all strive to do our utmost, but it can be incredibly draining, right? The crucial question is: "Can we truly meet our own high standards?"

Many of us wish to effect change in various areas, such as climate action, social equity, and reproductive rights. However, the list extends beyond these critical issues to include topics like veganism, personal identity, global politics, and cultural debates—it seems endless.

Some individuals have lost hope in making a positive impact, while others focus more on personal gain rather than the greater good. It’s hard not to feel envious or frustrated when witnessing those who appear to enjoy life without concern for these pressing issues. Why does it feel like I must shoulder their responsibilities? Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to these questions.

Perhaps it would be more constructive to ask: What truly helps? And what doesn’t? Here’s a breakdown:

Things that contribute positively:

• Choosing not to consume meat.
• Limiting the use of air conditioning.
• Avoiding bullying behavior.
• Not exploiting others.
• Respecting democratic processes.

Actions that are ineffective:

• Criticizing friends for eating meat.
• Nagging about air conditioning.
• Calling someone a bully while exhibiting bullying behavior.
• Seeking to please everyone.
• Engaging in online arguments with strangers.

When our activism focuses on altering the behavior of others, we may find ourselves feeling anxious, angry, and disheartened. Why is this? Because our attempts to influence others often fall flat. While inspiring others is valuable, there’s a distinct difference between true inspiration and manipulation.

For instance, if you decide to adopt a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle, you might soon realize its health benefits and environmental impact. What’s the next logical step?

• Command everyone to stop eating meat relentlessly.
• Demonstrate the benefits through your own actions.

The efficiency of these two approaches differs significantly. Engaging in a debate while your friend enjoys a steak is unlikely to yield any positive results. However, showcasing how a meat-free diet enhances your well-being might encourage them to reconsider their choices.

Every marketer understands that cultivating desire is the most effective sales tactic. When we observe someone thriving, we are inclined to emulate their behavior; conversely, a nagging individual often drives us away.

Do you recognize this distinction?

The pursuit of social consciousness can become an all-consuming endeavor, which can be exhausting not only for ourselves but also for those around us. This world is filled with complexities, and mistakes are inevitable. We can strive for improvement, but at what cost?

When I first began practicing yoga, I faced skepticism from friends. I attempted to persuade them to join my classes, but they remained uninterested, leaving me disappointed. Eventually, as they observed my positive transformation, some reached out, curious about my journey.

The truth is that personal growth can inspire others, but the reverse is not as effective. If you don’t genuinely recognize the benefits of a meat-free lifestyle, you will struggle to convince others. Similarly, if you dread yoga classes, your attempts to persuade friends will likely fail. But when you embrace an activity that enriches your life, others are likely to take notice and follow suit.

It’s straightforward yet profoundly challenging.

Nobody requires guidance from someone who merely dabbles in self-improvement yet claims to have undergone a transformation. If you find yourself needing to declare your changes to the world, perhaps they aren't as substantial as you believe.

As previously mentioned, we are all doing our best. Let’s remember that life isn’t a contest to determine who can inspire more. Mindfulness should not become a competitive arena; there is no trophy at stake.

We all share the desire for happiness, but there isn’t a universal formula for achieving it, protecting the environment, or being a good person.

There will always be issues that require attention, and often, they are beyond our control. Striving for perfection as a social advocate can lead to inevitable failure; someone will always appear more knowledgeable.

Perfection is an unrealistic expectation.

The world is incredibly complex, and there are no simple solutions. Nobody anticipates that we will resolve every issue facing humanity.

When I started practicing yoga, I was motivated to engage because of the instructor at my local gym. She never pressured me to join her classes; I was drawn in by her evident balance and happiness.

Similarly, when I decided to stop eating meat, I was inspired by friends who thrived on a meat-free diet. They didn’t attempt to persuade me; I simply noticed their improved health over time.

I can’t recall a moment when an irate activist changed my perspective. However, numerous times, my mindset shifted due to the positive actions of others.

Being a good person is not a job; it’s a conscious choice. There are no monetary rewards for doing what’s right.

Focusing all our energy on a task that isn’t truly a job may lead to feelings of anxiety, anger, and depression, as well as a sense of being undervalued.

So, let’s continue striving for our best—not for others, but for ourselves.

This video discusses the importance of mindful activism and how to transform anxiety into agency.

Explore somatic meditation techniques to liberate yourself from anger and negative emotions.