Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy: Finding Your Inner Worth
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Understanding the Sense of Belonging
What does it mean for you to feel valued and accepted?
When we intertwine our perceptions of belonging and significance, we create a foundation for feeling adequate. Adequate for this world, for others, and for ourselves.
Last year, I had the privilege of proofreading my close friend's Ph.D. dissertation, which touched on themes of loneliness, belonging, and significance within public health. (A big shoutout to you, Lan!)
We all experience moments of feeling insignificant or out of place, but for some of us, including myself, this sensation can be a dominant aspect of our mental landscape. These feelings have been a lifelong struggle for me.
Even the act of publishing the Abnormally Normal newsletter stirs up my emotions around self-worth and adequacy. Like many of you, I've fought exhausting battles within myself over the years.
The response to the launch of Abnormally Normal has overwhelmed me. I feel a mix of excitement, fear, and energy, brimming with ideas. Yet, there's still a nagging voice questioning, "Why would anyone want to read what you have to say?"
In those moments, I find myself thinking, “Who do you think you are? Just settle down, Ali, and stay in your lane!”
I occasionally buckle under the weight of feeling inadequate. Do you ever feel this way?
In brief moments of self-confidence, I come to realize that I don’t need to have all the answers. It’s about taking it one day and one piece of writing at a time. We can grow together through this journey.
I aim to use my natural empathy, kindness, and personal experiences to help you feel understood and less isolated. I hope my words offer you a comforting embrace and a gentle push in the right direction.
Do any of us ever truly feel adequate?
I understand the pain and internal struggle of feeling not enough. After years of reading, researching, and working with a therapist to address this, I’m happy to report that I am making strides.
My goal is to help you cultivate the confidence and belief that you are enough— not after achieving certain milestones, but just as you are today.
What Leads to Feelings of Inadequacy?
We all encounter feelings of inadequacy from time to time. However, when these emotions take root in our souls, they can hinder our ability to form healthy relationships, advance in our careers, and ultimately stifle our happiness.
Often, low self-worth originates from childhood experiences or trauma.
If your feelings of inadequacy stem from your early years, you might not even recall a specific traumatic incident. Trauma can be subtle, and sometimes, looking back with adult eyes reveals comments or actions from our childhood that contribute to our current feelings.
The treatment we received from parents, guardians, and other influential figures during our formative years shapes how we perceive ourselves today.
A child nurtured in a loving and supportive environment is likely to feel secure and worthy of love. In contrast, consider a child raised in a tumultuous home filled with conflict, substance abuse, or emotional neglect. Do you think this child would feel deserving of love?
Three Strategies to Foster Self-Worth
While we all experience pain and suffering, some of us may carry these invisible burdens that can be as crippling as physical ailments. If you’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy, it may be time to tackle this issue head-on. Here are my top three recommendations for enhancing your self-worth and nurturing your self-esteem. These are not quick fixes, but with persistence, you will begin to flourish.
Invest in Yourself
Many people are quick to spend money on dining out or fashion, yet hesitate when it comes to investing in therapy. Why is it that we readily invest in our external appearance but shy away from spending to improve our inner well-being?
Is it stigma or pride that keeps us from seeking therapeutic help? Personally, I once thought I didn’t need therapy. With a psychology degree and a wealth of self-study, I believed I had it all figured out.
But I became stuck—very stuck. Without the support of a therapist, I would still be trapped. I learned that I indeed needed professional help and could have saved myself much heartache if I had started this journey earlier in life.
If feelings of inadequacy have been part of your narrative for as long as you can remember, know that untangling these feelings takes time. Investing in a therapist is crucial. If your first choice doesn’t resonate with you, keep searching until you find the right fit.
Cultivate Self-Love
For years, I grappled with the notion that if I didn’t love myself, others couldn’t possibly love me. I struggled to understand how people could perceive my self-love. I thought I could mask my insecurities, but my body language and actions betrayed me.
When we feel inadequate, our subconscious signals to others that we aren’t enough, leading to a cycle where we are treated as such. This is where the problem lies.
It’s essential to elevate our self-perception, but how do we achieve this? It’s a continuous process, and starting sooner rather than later is beneficial. Consider dedicating time each week for self-care, practicing mindfulness, journaling, viewing yourself through a loved one's eyes, allowing yourself to say "no," and forgiving yourself for past grievances.
Nurture Your Relationships
As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I’ve learned that we often remain loyal to relationships even when they no longer serve us. Over the past year, I’ve ended several long-term friendships. While this has been challenging, I now feel rejuvenated and liberated.
If you find yourself in a relationship that feels one-sided or lacks mutual support, it may be time to reassess. Reflect on whether the relationship is worth saving or if it’s best to part ways.
Signs that a friendship may have run its course include a noticeable change in energy, a lack of support, or passive-aggressive remarks. After enduring a series of hurtful incidents with a long-time friend, I realized my continued availability was enabling her behavior. Sometimes, we need to step back to create space for new, healthier connections.
You Are Enough
You are extraordinary! Don’t diminish yourself out of fear of inadequacy. These damaging thoughts can persist if left unchallenged, limiting your potential for joy and fulfillment.
You deserve to feel good about yourself and recognize your worthiness of love. The more positively we view ourselves, the more open we become to happiness and satisfaction.
- Invest in yourself.
- Learn to love yourself.
- Nurture your relationships.
You are enough as you are today!
Warm hugs!
This article was initially published on Substack. If you enjoyed this piece, please subscribe to the Abnormally Normal Newsletter for weekly encouragement for those who feel out of place.
Do you have any strategies for overcoming feelings of inadequacy? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Thank you for engaging with my story,
Ali Hall
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