Chapter 1: The Connection Between Happiness and Expectations

In my coaching sessions, I frequently emphasize that our happiness often hinges on our past experiences with fulfilled or unmet expectations. Additionally, our capacity to meet these expectations is closely linked to our competence, which is within our control. Despite my repeated explanations, some mentees still struggle to grasp this concept. There's a well-known saying: "Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different outcomes."

Let’s delve deeper into this idea.

When our expectations are consistently unmet, we risk losing hope, becoming demotivated, and developing a negative outlook on life. Many problem-solvers aim to create systematic methods to increase the likelihood of fulfilling their expectations. This presents a dilemma: while it's often beneficial to have no expectations, having a clear intention and living life guided by creative thinking, along with well-defined agreements and accountability, can help many of our intentions come to fruition. Occasionally, unforeseen small events may lead to unexpected outcomes, but skilled decision-makers can usually adapt quickly.

Once we reach this level of insight, we must confront the behavior of others. Even if we detach ourselves from expectations and regrets, we still interact with those who live by them. A practical approach to dealing with individuals caught in this cycle is to cultivate enough psychological resilience to manage the challenges stemming from their expectations and regrets.

Over time, we learn that extraordinary thinkers perceive the world differently from ordinary thinkers, leading to varied responses. Ordinary thinkers often find themselves victims of "Black Swan Events"—small, seemingly trivial occurrences that can culminate in significant, often negative consequences.

Ultimately, love and compassion define our ability to rise above the ordinary and lead a life free from suffering.

As a simple exercise, identify beliefs or biases to which you feel emotionally tied. Now, argue for that perspective rationally.

To complement this exercise, I recommend watching the film "The Game." It reinforces many concepts discussed in this chapter. The film features Michael Douglas as a man who seems to have it all but is blinded by arrogance and self-involvement. With the help of his brother, played by Sean Penn, he begins to confront his greatest adversary—himself. This film will resonate with anyone familiar with personal development seminars. If you're struggling to "get it," this might offer the clarity you need.

Chapter 2: Understanding Incompetence

This video titled "The Happiness Paradox" delves into the complexities of happiness, exploring how our expectations shape our emotional states and decision-making processes.

Often, when organizations appoint a problem-solver or leader, they encounter dishonest, inept individuals. This phenomenon is prevalent in any organizational culture that allows members to rise to their incompetence level.

This principle was humorously articulated in the 1960s as the "Peter Principle," which describes how individuals in a hierarchical structure tend to advance until they reach a position where they are incompetent. Dr. Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Hull introduced this concept in their 1968 book, illustrating how individuals often elevate themselves to roles for which they lack the necessary skills.

While Peter didn’t create the idea, he popularized it through his observations and insights. His theory is simple yet profound, describing a natural process that can lead to systemic failure in groups.

The Peter Principle was influenced by Dr. William R. Corcoran's work, which noted that the principle of diminishing returns could apply across various technologies. Dr. Peters adapted this concept to group dynamics, emphasizing that unchecked incompetence can accumulate and eventually cripple an entire system.

Many of us have witnessed or experienced dysfunctional systems, particularly in government, where incompetence seems pervasive yet continues to function. Some organizations, especially bureaucracies, appear to have endless resources to sustain them while new competent individuals emerge to address the backlog of unresolved issues.

The 2009 financial crisis offers a clear illustration of this principle, with the collapse of numerous corporations, particularly in the banking and automotive sectors, often traced back to executive incompetence. Understanding the Peter Principle can shed light on these systemic failures.

Regardless of Dr. Peter's intentions, his insights reveal essential lessons about assessing our strengths and weaknesses.

Here are two personal examples of incompetence I’ve encountered:

1. As a B&B owner, I've been owed $800 by Expedia Corp for five years. They acknowledge the debt, yet after 30 phone calls and 60 emails, I still haven’t received payment, and customer service remains clueless.
2. My bank has sent me new debit cards multiple times, but the activation process consistently fails. Despite "overnighting" me replacements three times, they’ve yet to resolve the issue.