Chapter 1: My Unintentional Awakening

I wish I could say my journey into dopamine detox was a conscious choice motivated by a deep commitment to my well-being. However, that wasn't the case. The catalyst was heartbreak, an experience that, while painful, pushed me toward this awakening.

In July 2019, just a month into my writing journey, I found myself obsessively monitoring my online metrics. I would check my stats and comments anywhere from six to twenty times a day, making it the first thought to cross my mind each morning.

Each morning, I would reach for my phone, disable airplane mode, and eagerly scroll through my notifications, feeling a fleeting sense of joy as I absorbed the numbers and comments.

This was the moment it clicked for me: social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are designed to manipulate our brain chemistry, drawing us back repeatedly for those dopamine boosts.

You might think this realization would help me curb my unhealthy habits, but instead, I chose to indulge in them. For the next two and a half years, I continued the same cycle of behavior I had engaged in on Instagram, Facebook, and MySpace for over fifteen years. I was fully aware of my addiction but opted to ignore it.

I was, without a doubt, an addict.

It took the pandemic for me to fully grasp the extent of my addiction. Spending 90% of my time alone during that first year, I struggled against the relentless urge to scroll endlessly through feeds and check emails.

The excitement of seeing how my online presence was faring transformed into a desperate need for human interaction, even if it was just through likes and comments on social media. I became so desperate that I would wake up at 1:15 AM, convinced that I had missed something important.

Life staged an intervention in December when someone I trusted deeply betrayed me and vanished from my life. Suddenly, checking my email felt torturous. Week after week, I faced the stark emptiness of my inbox, devoid of any communication from him—no apology, no explanation.

The combination of his absence and declining engagement metrics made logging in feel unbearable. After investing so much time and energy into building a following, the mysterious changes to algorithms rendered my efforts almost invisible, intensifying my reluctance to check my notifications.

I didn't expect this situation to last long. I figured I would have a few weeks of sobriety before succumbing to my habitual need for those digital highs. The withdrawal symptoms were real; I felt sluggish, unmotivated, and even experienced daily stress headaches.

However, I was shocked to realize that I had successfully avoided my dopamine fix for almost three months.

This wasn’t due to exceptional willpower; I was simply exhausted by it all.

During this phase of withdrawal, I noticed that temptation was everywhere. It felt similar to recovering from an eating disorder; food is ubiquitous, and avoiding it entirely isn't feasible.

Dopamine triggers surround us daily. A single shared article on Twitter could lead me down a rabbit hole of trending news. My phone buzzes incessantly with notifications, each one pulling my focus, and flashy advertisements bombard us in movies and shows.

I am grateful to be part of Generation X, the last group to experience life before the dopamine-driven digital age. I remember the simplicity of life before addiction took hold.

Over the past three months, I've learned that life doesn’t have to be loud and flashy. By today’s standards, real life may seem dull, but I’ve come to appreciate its simplicity.

Around the age of 40, I began to reduce my social media presence, no longer feeling the need to document every moment. Witnessing friends garner countless comments for their family milestones had become exhausting. I found freedom in living my life without the pressure to capture it for social media.

While I don't wish to vilify all technology—after all, it connected me during the pandemic—it's refreshing to remember the joy of real-life interactions.

There’s a thrill in wandering through nature that no social media post can replicate. Quiet moments spent collecting feathers or simply enjoying a cup of tea under the stars bring genuine satisfaction.

These were the activities that brought me joy as a child, those moments that now seem trivial in our social media-obsessed culture.

I had forgotten that social media is the illusion, not the reality.

I’m thankful for the various ways life has nudged me away from this addiction. Whether it was a sense of rebellion or the painful end of a relationship, I appreciate the journey.

Ultimately, I realized that, like any substance, none of these digital distractions can fulfill me. I will never find true satisfaction in social media or email, no matter how often I chase that fleeting high.

I believe these digital addictions will eventually fade, but I remain vigilant. Companies exploiting our brain chemistry will continually seek new ways to draw us back in.

However, I feel I've made a significant breakthrough. Having experienced the fallout from my digital habits, I'm less inclined to fall back into that cycle.

That realization is the first step toward genuine change, leading to a life that may appear "boring" at first glance but is far more fulfilling than the one I left behind.

© Yael Wolfe 2022

Yael Wolfe is a writer, photographer, and creator of Howl. You can find more of her work at yaelwolfe.com.

More insights on dopamine addiction:

The Protocol That Changed My Life (Dopamine Detox): In this video, the creator shares their transformative journey through dopamine detox, revealing insights and strategies for reclaiming a balanced life.

3 YEARS of Dopamine Detox + Stoicism + Growth Journaling + Speed Learning: This video outlines the creator's comprehensive approach over three years, blending dopamine detox with stoicism, journaling, and speed learning.