Chapter 1: Confronting the Fear of Death

The anxiety surrounding death became more manageable for me only after I encountered it directly in my life.

Reflecting on my experiences at the age of 21, I realized I felt as though I had accomplished nothing of significance. Despite my relentless hard work and dedication to my studies, I found myself struggling and ultimately failing to achieve my goals. This frustration led to a deep sense of regret over the time I could have spent enjoying life rather than stressing over my academic performance.

I questioned the value of my efforts: Why did I work so hard only to feel empty? What was the purpose of my sacrifices if they led to disappointment? In the midst of this realization, I found myself in my modest 22-square-meter apartment, overwhelmed by a wave of despair that brought me to tears.

After what seemed like an eternity of crying, I reached a point where I needed to seek help; the emotional burden was too heavy to carry alone. I realized that I was trapped in a dark place, and as I scrolled through my contacts, I found that none of my friends could comprehend the depths of my struggle.

...

At that moment, I felt utterly alone. After 21 years, I was faced with the harsh reality of having no one by my side. This despair set in once again, and I cried for another two hours, feeling as though time had stretched infinitely. My breath became labored, and I shook uncontrollably, each sob causing physical pain.

I knew I had to escape from the life that had led me to this point; I needed to break free from the agony that consumed me. My thoughts oscillated between two paths: changing my life—recognizing that my previous choices had brought me here, which clearly wasn’t working—or ending it all, putting an end to my suffering for good.

The dilemma was that I had no idea how to initiate a change in my life. In that moment, I grappled with what steps to take next to alter my trajectory, but nothing came to mind. I felt lost, in pain, and hopeless.

With the option of change seeming unviable, I wa