Growing Through Grief and Gratitude

As I move through each day, I notice my personal development and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. However, I’m also at a point where I feel a bit drained and just wish to exist. It seems as though I'm mourning the act of letting go of past struggles. Yet, I have transformed my perspective; I now view these experiences not as burdens but as blessings that have elevated me to a better version of myself.

"I perceive them as great gifts that have enabled me to embrace a higher version of who I am."

Despite my appreciation, I still crave more. It's not that I lack gratitude for my current situation; I believe I am deserving of greater things. I shouldn't be confined within four walls. There’s a fervent desire within me, fueled by the knowledge that I am destined for the home, relationships, financial prosperity, and the peace, love, and hope that God has promised me. I am certain there is more awaiting me.

Taking Steps Toward Fulfillment

Where do I begin? The answer eludes me. Perhaps it will be a small step or, as God often does, He may work wonders for me. Nevertheless, I am aware that each day He provides guidance.

This morning, I tuned into my body’s needs, feeling weary upon rising. The response was a gentle reminder to treat myself with kindness, to nurture self-love, and to accept myself as I am. It appears that rest is also part of this journey.

Creating New Stories

It's a curious feeling, but I find myself wanting to connect with the individual who has intrigued me for the past six months. Yet, there’s an underlying sense of monotony. It’s not that I wish to cease communication; rather, it feels imperative to engage in new experiences together. It urges me to live authentically and craft new narratives, rather than merely revisiting the past. This realization often brings tears to my eyes.

"I worry that if I stop reaching out to him, everything will shift. Yet, a part of me is ready for that change."

I struggle to articulate my thoughts to him, hoping for more engagement to sustain our conversations. A part of me fears that if our communication dwindles, it will lead to change. However, another part reassures me that I will be okay, for he offers me solace, and our bond flows effortlessly. Is this self-sabotage? I'm working to decipher it.

Trusting in God's Timing

Another important insight is that I have been waiting for specific situations, such as finalizing a divorce, to progress in my life. I've come to realize that I shouldn't idealize these milestones. That piece of paper doesn’t define my worth.

"I often hear a voice in my head saying, 'I don’t feel so good.' I don’t perceive it negatively; it simply seeks acknowledgment."

Today, I will pause and listen to what God has in store for me. Always loving, always hopeful.

Every day is an adventure with God, filled with opportunities for growth, learning, and reflection. Some days, like today, involve sitting with challenging emotions and deciphering their significance. Other days may focus on making strides forward, regardless of their size. Through every moment, I trust that God is steering my path, and I am grateful for this journey.

Day 6: Trust in the Lord — The Bible in a Year (with Fr. Mike Schmitz). This video emphasizes the importance of faith and trust in divine guidance through life's challenges.

Day 6 of God's Creation: Adam and Eve. This video explores the biblical account of creation and the significance of the first human relationships.