Navigating Mental Health: A Personal Journey Through Struggles
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Chapter 1: A Turning Point
During the summer of 2020, as the world grappled with the COVID-19 pandemic, my life took a drastic turn. My full-time student teaching role and classes came to a halt, leaving me in a state of uncertainty. I distinctly recall the moment I returned to my apartment, parked my truck, and found myself searching for “easiest ways to end my life” on my phone before I stepped inside. Overwhelmed, I cried, but eventually composed myself enough to enter my home. That moment marked a realization: I was exhausted by experiences like that.
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Section 1.1: Seeking Help
Prior to relocating to my current apartment, I had been in therapy for several months. After my move, I didn’t seek out a new therapist for a while, but once I did, I became more consistent in my visits. After two to three months, I expressed to my therapist my desire for medication to help stabilize my emotions. Being confined at home for an extended period had left me feeling angry, sad, and tense.
My provider also had psychiatrists on staff, so I had an initial appointment and was prescribed Prozac as a starting point. Over time, my dosage was increased threefold and has remained stable for the past eighteen months. A few months ago, based on my doctor’s observations, he suggested I might benefit from an additional medication.
Section 1.2: Observing Change
Noticing a shift in my symptoms, including suicidal thoughts, has been a strange yet enlightening experience. It’s particularly striking when a doctor suggests changes based on infrequent visits. Consistency truly is vital for success in all areas of life. Consequently, I was prescribed Wellbutrin, which I continue to take. My doctor explained that it aims to enhance overall mood, not just alleviate depressive symptoms, and I genuinely believe it has made a positive impact.
Chapter 2: Ongoing Support
The first video, "The Notorious B.I.G. - Suicidal Thoughts (Official Audio)," explores the heavy emotions surrounding suicidal thoughts. It serves as a reminder of the struggles many face and the importance of addressing mental health openly.
My mental health journey is not something I frequently discuss, yet I have no shame in it. Currently, I see a therapist every two weeks, which is a significant improvement from my previous routine. Although my therapist moved recently, our sessions remain virtual, allowing me to easily access support whenever needed.
Section 2.1: Uncertainty About the Future
Do I envision myself on medication indefinitely? I honestly don't know, and I believe that contemplating this question can be counterproductive to the healing process. Many days can significantly improve with proactive measures. I hope this account can assist others who may be struggling.
Section 2.2: The Importance of Vulnerability
The key takeaway I wish to share is the importance of seeking help when you need it. No one can read your mind; you must be willing to be vulnerable. Personally, I find that my long-term emotional stability hinges on my ability to process my thoughts before reacting impulsively.
I emphasize “I feel like” because mental health improvement is not one-size-fits-all. While medication has been beneficial for me, it may not work for everyone. I’ve experimented with various habits that have contributed to my well-being, including writing, sports, reading, managing gaming time, exercising, and listening to music. Discovering the right timing for these activities often proves more critical than the activities themselves.
Final Thoughts
The easy way out may seem tempting but is ultimately unreliable. You are capable of creating lasting change in your life. If you haven't yet subscribed to Medium, I highly recommend it. For just $5 a month, you can support independent writers like myself and access a wealth of insightful content.
The second video, "What is Suicidal Ideation?" provides valuable information on understanding this complex issue and emphasizes the importance of seeking help.
About Me — Brandon Roby
“Music is … A higher revelation than all Wisdom & Philosophy” - Ludwig van Beethoven