How Digital Transformation is Changing Our Experience of Grief
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Understanding Collective Grief
In recent weeks, the world witnessed the passing of two notable women of similar ages—Queen Elizabeth II and my aunt. The Queen's death at 96 on September 8 prompted a period of national mourning in the UK, characterized by extensive media coverage and a lengthy queue of mourners wishing to pay their respects. This collective sorrow intertwined with national pride and personal recollections from the Queen's remarkable 70-year reign.
Queen Elizabeth was a constant presence in the lives of many Britons, akin to a distant relative whose life is often recounted during family gatherings. While her passing has evoked widespread cultural grief, it is the individual narratives that link our lives to hers that make this mourning both communal and deeply personal. Over the ten days of national mourning, media outlets interviewed those who gathered along the Mall, revealing that many were overwhelmed by memories of their own deceased parents. For instance, my parents were married in the same year that the Queen was crowned in 1953. Although my mother was not a fervent royalist, she often watched the Queen on television, prompting reflections on our parents and extended family, making this collective grief resonate on a personal level.
Personal Reflections on Loss
My aunt, a resident of Southern California, passed away peacefully in her sleep on her 99th birthday, August 24. In line with California's tradition of opting out of formal religious funerals, she requested that the family, scattered across various locations, come together for a gathering both in person and via Zoom, where we could share stories about her extraordinary life.
My aunt was a distinguished Professor of Musicology, a trained opera singer, and a pianist who pioneered Chinese language education in California during the 1960s. Her research on Kunqu opera is preserved in the Library of Congress. She embodied our last connection to our late father and the mixed cultural heritage she navigated through China, England, and the United States. A creative spirit herself, she understood my artistic pursuits. To echo Justin Trudeau’s tribute to the Queen, "she was one of my favorite people in the world."
The memorial gathering for my aunt took place shortly after her passing. Immediate family members gathered in Southern California while extended family joined via Zoom. We viewed a twelve-minute slideshow that chronicled my aunt's life, and each attendee shared their reflections and memories of her. Two days later, I received the slideshow via email and asked about some unfamiliar faces in the photos. Family photographs have always been powerful connectors. I also shared a video I had created during my travels with my aunt in Shanghai. This juxtaposition of public mourning for the Queen and private mourning for my aunt highlights the varied ways we cope with loss today.
The Shift in Grieving Practices
Historically, the Victorians were adept at public displays of grief. Women were expected to wear black clothing for a duration that corresponded to their relationship with the deceased. The deceased were often displayed in the family home to allow friends and relatives to pay their respects. However, by the end of World War II, the care of the deceased transitioned to funeral services, leading to death being hidden from public view. This shift resulted in grief being privatized and confined within households. The collective mourning experienced during the Victorian era gradually evolved into individualized bereavement that psychologists began to treat and researchers to study by the late 20th century.
In the 21st century, our grieving practices have once again transformed, integrating elements of past customs while being influenced by technology and societal changes. While grief remains a private experience, it often takes place within the digital realm, where individuals reach out to an online community. We exchange experiences and find solace through anonymous message boards. This digital space allows us to share cherished memories of our loved ones, reminiscent of the Victorian practice of sharing post-mortem portraits. Innovations such as StoryFile have commercialized the use of artificial intelligence and multimedia to create interactive, pre-recorded videos of individuals nearing the end of their lives, allowing them to answer questions for future generations.
Continuities in Grief and Technology
Despite the advancements, elements of Victorian mourning practices persist in how we grieve today, particularly in our use of technology to express and share our sorrow. Companies are emerging that cater to this new market of grief technology, bridging the divide between the living and the deceased. Just as Victorian portrait photographers played a role in memorializing loved ones, today’s AI engineers are also integral to this evolving landscape. Ultimately, the human experience of grief continues to be a focal point in both our personal lives and in commerce.
Ginger Liu is the founder of Ginger Media & Entertainment and is currently pursuing a Ph.D. in photography, death, and artificial intelligence. She is a podcast producer, journalist, author, artist, and filmmaker.
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